A Personal Note On Grudges

Posted: June 24, 2010 in Uncategorized

Normally, my articles are going to be concerned with topics like sports, music, movies, and television. However, from time to time I will post personal stories as well. Like they say, writing is like therapy and it is a good place to air out anger and frustrations or even just to clear your head. So the following is just that; me clearing my head of frustrations and things that have been bothering me.

The first thing I would like to discuss is what I find to be the greatest weakness within myself, which is the fact that I hold grudges. Most the time if people wrong me, I’m very quick to turn my back on them and hold my anger towards them for a very long time. It is not a good thing at all, but I struggle to let things go.

For example, say you have a solid group of friends but then something happens; Something like,  you barely hear from them anymore and that pisses you off a lot. I would be pissed off for a long time about it, especially if they think that the problem is not them, but the thought of the fact that “you don’t like them”.

It could even be something that happened in the past with an ex-girlfriend. Maybe you went through a bad break-up and one of the people moved on way faster than the other and lied a lot.

Yes both happened to me and I’m not going to sugar coat them because they both bother me greatly. In fact, the ex-girlfriend one bothers me so much that it affects the way I go about things now with other girls and friends.

Since these events that occurred nearly a year ago, I do not hesitate now to turn my back on people and kick them out of my life. It started then and it has occurred in certain other situations since then. Now whenever people wrong me in any sort of way, even if they are sorry, I’m quick to turn my back and hold bitter feelings towards them.

This is something that I would love to change, but I’m not sure how. It’s easier said than done when people tell you to just drop it and let it go. Because whenever you are reminded of the what happened in the past, you still feel the feelings you felt then, because somethings are just hard to forget about.

For two people that have wronged me in the past, I will never forget what they did or what happened so it is very difficult to let go of it. Especially one that was very life changing when I learned of the events that happened. One of the people I no longer speak too, while one we are trying to start over and rebuild a strong bond, but who knows if this will occur. It’s going to take a lot of hard work and effort on both sides, but nothing is impossible

Holding grudges is something that has got to be understandable to some extent, but it is still not right. For instance, if a person has wronged you or hurt you in the past whose to say they will not do it again?

I understand people make mistakes and they should be given another shot. There have been grudges that I have let go of before. If the person apologizes in a sincere manner and admits to their mistake, then I believe they can be forgiven and I let go of whatever mistake they made in the past.

However, with several of the grudges I still hold today, the people have not apologized nor have admitted to being even a little wrong. Is this why I still hold onto a grudge? It’s part of it. The other parts I’m uncertain about, which is why I’m writing this article.

If only I could learn to let things go, it would make me a better person and in my opinion would allow for more good to enter my life. Yes, it is very possible to have a better life without a certain person in it, but it is not good nor healthier to hold an angry grudge against them. The best thing would be to leave what happened with you and that person in the past and move on and forget about it.

Although I struggle letting go of grudges there a certain things that I understand. I understand that bad stuff is going to happen in life and there is nothing you can do to stop it. People are going to let you down, even ones you care about. Hopefully it can be fixed, if both sides are willing to try. Sometimes it won’t be fixed, but hey it is just a part of life.

On a more positive note, you will always have a select people you can turn to no matter what. There is always that one or two friends you know you can always count on and they will always be there. You also can not forget about your family either. Luckily for me, I know I can always turn to my family and the brothers in my fraternity if I ever needed anything at all. I’m also lucky to have about three or four friends I know I can count on no matter what.

Maybe writing about my grudge holding will help me bury this once and for all and maybe one day I will be able to let go of all my grudges, but it will take a lot of time and effort.

On another note, I would like to say if anyone I have turned my back on is reading this or anyone else I have held a grudge against is reading this, my ears are always open for discussion, but due to my stubbornness and my pride I will not be the one to start it.

As a good friend once told me, maybe it’s the Italian in me for why I’m like this. Whatever it is, I hope one day to truly let go of all my grudge holding and leave the past in the past and keep my head focused on the future.

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Comments
  1. J says:

    This was interesting, looking forward to entries to follow!

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